Saturday 24 January 2009
Wednesday 21 January 2009
Just me!! Dribbling again
I haven't been around online as much lately. I do apologise to those who have regular contact with me. Firstly, the first time in many years I had a memorable day on Christmas Day. Being part of a real life family for the day.. I spent the day at Trev's family home, with him and his family. It was so great to see them all together for the day. I couldn't have wished for more. We laughed, joked ate and were merry. lol Yes I em had one drink, something I hadn't done for a long time..My excuse.. mmm it was a very hot day!! It is our high summer here in Aus. But I paid the price for it later though.. ever tried upgrading and surfing and then trying to chat.. I have enough trouble getting all the keys in the right order being sober!! I have to add that the extra goodies on the dinner table were thanks to my favorite surf site.. PAC. I certainly didn't expect a gift, but the boys had got together and gave me a present. I was a bit embarrest that I couldn't give them anything, but they were so excited to give something to me.. a small package, I thought maybe a new mouse.. but they were too excited for it to be a mouse.. It was an ipod. Well before I even think, they got my laptop and was setting things up for me.. it all happened so fast and I have never seen them get on so well together and be so excited, I was watching them and not what they were showing me.. they had plenty of songs to load on.. if has 80gb drive.. I treasure it, and will keep it with me always. I really don't think they have a clue how much it really means to me. Trev is the one who opened the door to sound for me.. I had been missing out for so long.. not anymore.. also thanks to being in that chat room when he was there. I really do have some much to be gratefull for with technology. I really love music, not just the old stuff.. actually too many memories.. especially of what might have been. But the newer music is good.. others having shown me the way to hear what they like, I listen and enjoy. A good voice, tune and the words.. I listen very closely as I find the feeling in songs.. songwriters of today express their feelings and views.. I am impressed. I spend hours daily plugged in.. sleeping has improved, probably switching my mind off.. I guess that not physically communicating with people your mind speaks faster.. mmm just a personal analogy.
As I said earlier, I hadn't been online much, well it isn't because I didn't want to be, but the old body has taken a bit of a beating this year.. yes already... I am rather annoyed with myself, I came to Cath's place for Christmas and was planned that I stay probably for a week. But I am still here. A few small events have prevented me from going home. I had a bit of a slip on some wet tiles in the bathroom. Seem I did a bit of muscle damage, but no broken bones. Got some doosie bruises though lol A day or two went by, well it was obioous something wasn't right. I have a build up of fluid around my hip joint, this restricts me from walking unaided. I have been on some much pain killers that I didn't know whether I was coming or going. For the first week I was having injections twice daily.. cortezone. Not sure I spelt that right.. ah well.
To be honest, I felt my world was falling apart, unable to sit for very long, even laying down was unbearable.. I really wished I just went to sleep and never woke up. But I did.. I started to think what have I done in life to deserve this... just fate I guess. I was thinking only about myself.. I distanced myself from friends and even Cath. Never intended to be a burden to anyone in my life. The no strings guy.. I am superman, I can defeat the odds.... when the going got tough.. I fell to bits.. a fine example..Then disaster struck.. young Trev lost all hope in life, depression sunk to an all time low.. Life in his eyes was too tough to handle.. Cath spent an afternoon up on a hill somewhere where he was obsessed on killing himself.. sick of living.. sick of everything.. no point even bothering, no more medications, no more testing, no more seeing doctors.. hates going to Brisbane..his car needs fixing, has no money.. no job, why live.. all words his mum told me later.. it was the worst she had ever seen him. Took her hours to calm him down, eventually he went back to his unit. She then spend the next hour or so with his disability employment people.. looking for help.. she had long ago ran out of ideas.. unbeknown to her he came out to the house here, and started doing damage on the property with his car.. fencing, trailers and trees ran over.. eventually his brother got his keys off him while he was out of the car... I just can't imagine him so enraged, but Cath had been advised to call the police and they would take to the hospital and send him through to be mentally assessed.. this way they can make him take his medication and get him to a point where things aren't that bad.. but by the time she got to the hospital to see him and to give medical papers up to date of his condition.. he had already been released from hospital.. less than two hours.. so he walked away.. she spent the night driving around looking for him.. on returning she noticed his car was gone.. he must have got a lift out here and took off.. He dissappeared for 5 days, Cath was devasted.. here I am the bloke that she leans on.. and I am useless.. I already felt like throwing in the towel myself.. how could I do that to her, she needed someone now more than ever.. The medications and goings on.. no excuse.. I lost the plot. She would come in late at night as she has been working long hours just to keep her mind off things I think, but I don't know for sure. Well between the two of us.. she would sit on the edge of the bed thinking I was asleep I think, and just cry.. you can only imagine how I felt.. If I had only been a stronger person, could I have done more... I will never know.. all I could do is be there.
Trev turned up at his unit and his girlfriend found him in bed when she got home from work.. she let him sleep and Trevs father went over and checked him over and he looked ok so he left him sleeping. They decided not to pressure him.. the lines of communication are open to Cath and he will contact her when he is ready.. if he wants. Being 18 nobody can force him to take medications. Like his mum I hope that he will see reason to get his health management back on track, before it is too late.
I lost a few days somewhere.. well I don't clearly remember them..
So here I am walling in selfpity - feeling helpless and being a burden on Cath instead of a pillar of strength.. wishing for a miricle, that isn't going to happen.
A week of physio therapy and rehibilitation.. Not impressed.. you actually pay people to hurt you.. then the pain gets worse afterwards. She was a big lady so I didn't argue. I never believed this could happen to me. I have never been a believer of medicines, well ones that aren't any good for you. I really can't see the point of taking painkillers that cloud your mind and make you sleep. If you are sleeping you are not feeling the pain, but when you are awake you are not functioning properly. What a waste of time.. In this condition I will never be allowed to go home. That is what I want. Life is not supposed to be like this. Not in my plan. I always envisioned living out my life at my shed, not being a burden to anyone. Most of my life I have lived alone.. and that is what I am used to.
I have taken myself off all pain medication, I still take my heart rhythum medications. It has been two days now and at least I can think more clearly, but I am taking notes on to-do things, it helps. Yesterday there was no one here for an hour, so I took the opportunity to see how well I could do. Slow going, but I managed to get out of the chair, down the hallway to the bathroom.. by myself. I have done it a couple of times since, and when I get really tired I can get onto my bed unaided.. so I am getting there. I won't kid myself and say it is easy, it's not. The pain is always there but comes in waves. Really weird - like a burning feeling moving over your body stopping you from breathing. I try to just take big breaths, so far they have managed to pass. I am not telling all to Cath, she dosn't need to know, as she has enough on her plate and she would only worry. My aim is to be able to prove to her that i can manage on my own, so I can go back home. My shed is much smaller than this house, so I wouldn't hve to walk as far. I realize I have a long way to go, but I am not giving up.
I have taken steps to have all of my offline things tidied up. Not exactly how I wanted it, but I have been advised there would be too many legal battles, and I don't wish to burden anyone with that. What is now done.. is done.
Online.. well I am documenting, well stated a long time back but need to update and get my benefactor more involved. We have been spending some time together working through things, but the last few weeks it has been difficult for me to keep focused. I task set each day, but something always pops up. lol Some new projects to be looked at as well. Longtermers - well that is the plan.. You always have to have a plan !!
Just adding a note: Donations.. If I could run out and yell to the world I would.. THANK YOU !!!!
Even though Trev didn't actually make it personally as planned.. It was still made. he was excited about how things were going at Christmas time and I am sure deep down he is. He spoke of the things it could be used for, yearly subscription to xbox, an internet connection and games, fridges as well with $4000 in two months.. wow that is a lot of money..incredible. (Makes me think of those people who always have heaps of referrals and some of them would possibly be big spenders - the mind boggles... I just hope in my heart that they some of their gains with others of an organization the their communities)
Not going to re read this for mistakes.. took me about 8 sessions to type this.. I need a sleep followed by coffee :)
As I said earlier, I hadn't been online much, well it isn't because I didn't want to be, but the old body has taken a bit of a beating this year.. yes already... I am rather annoyed with myself, I came to Cath's place for Christmas and was planned that I stay probably for a week. But I am still here. A few small events have prevented me from going home. I had a bit of a slip on some wet tiles in the bathroom. Seem I did a bit of muscle damage, but no broken bones. Got some doosie bruises though lol A day or two went by, well it was obioous something wasn't right. I have a build up of fluid around my hip joint, this restricts me from walking unaided. I have been on some much pain killers that I didn't know whether I was coming or going. For the first week I was having injections twice daily.. cortezone. Not sure I spelt that right.. ah well.
To be honest, I felt my world was falling apart, unable to sit for very long, even laying down was unbearable.. I really wished I just went to sleep and never woke up. But I did.. I started to think what have I done in life to deserve this... just fate I guess. I was thinking only about myself.. I distanced myself from friends and even Cath. Never intended to be a burden to anyone in my life. The no strings guy.. I am superman, I can defeat the odds.... when the going got tough.. I fell to bits.. a fine example..Then disaster struck.. young Trev lost all hope in life, depression sunk to an all time low.. Life in his eyes was too tough to handle.. Cath spent an afternoon up on a hill somewhere where he was obsessed on killing himself.. sick of living.. sick of everything.. no point even bothering, no more medications, no more testing, no more seeing doctors.. hates going to Brisbane..his car needs fixing, has no money.. no job, why live.. all words his mum told me later.. it was the worst she had ever seen him. Took her hours to calm him down, eventually he went back to his unit. She then spend the next hour or so with his disability employment people.. looking for help.. she had long ago ran out of ideas.. unbeknown to her he came out to the house here, and started doing damage on the property with his car.. fencing, trailers and trees ran over.. eventually his brother got his keys off him while he was out of the car... I just can't imagine him so enraged, but Cath had been advised to call the police and they would take to the hospital and send him through to be mentally assessed.. this way they can make him take his medication and get him to a point where things aren't that bad.. but by the time she got to the hospital to see him and to give medical papers up to date of his condition.. he had already been released from hospital.. less than two hours.. so he walked away.. she spent the night driving around looking for him.. on returning she noticed his car was gone.. he must have got a lift out here and took off.. He dissappeared for 5 days, Cath was devasted.. here I am the bloke that she leans on.. and I am useless.. I already felt like throwing in the towel myself.. how could I do that to her, she needed someone now more than ever.. The medications and goings on.. no excuse.. I lost the plot. She would come in late at night as she has been working long hours just to keep her mind off things I think, but I don't know for sure. Well between the two of us.. she would sit on the edge of the bed thinking I was asleep I think, and just cry.. you can only imagine how I felt.. If I had only been a stronger person, could I have done more... I will never know.. all I could do is be there.
Trev turned up at his unit and his girlfriend found him in bed when she got home from work.. she let him sleep and Trevs father went over and checked him over and he looked ok so he left him sleeping. They decided not to pressure him.. the lines of communication are open to Cath and he will contact her when he is ready.. if he wants. Being 18 nobody can force him to take medications. Like his mum I hope that he will see reason to get his health management back on track, before it is too late.
I lost a few days somewhere.. well I don't clearly remember them..
So here I am walling in selfpity - feeling helpless and being a burden on Cath instead of a pillar of strength.. wishing for a miricle, that isn't going to happen.
A week of physio therapy and rehibilitation.. Not impressed.. you actually pay people to hurt you.. then the pain gets worse afterwards. She was a big lady so I didn't argue. I never believed this could happen to me. I have never been a believer of medicines, well ones that aren't any good for you. I really can't see the point of taking painkillers that cloud your mind and make you sleep. If you are sleeping you are not feeling the pain, but when you are awake you are not functioning properly. What a waste of time.. In this condition I will never be allowed to go home. That is what I want. Life is not supposed to be like this. Not in my plan. I always envisioned living out my life at my shed, not being a burden to anyone. Most of my life I have lived alone.. and that is what I am used to.
I have taken myself off all pain medication, I still take my heart rhythum medications. It has been two days now and at least I can think more clearly, but I am taking notes on to-do things, it helps. Yesterday there was no one here for an hour, so I took the opportunity to see how well I could do. Slow going, but I managed to get out of the chair, down the hallway to the bathroom.. by myself. I have done it a couple of times since, and when I get really tired I can get onto my bed unaided.. so I am getting there. I won't kid myself and say it is easy, it's not. The pain is always there but comes in waves. Really weird - like a burning feeling moving over your body stopping you from breathing. I try to just take big breaths, so far they have managed to pass. I am not telling all to Cath, she dosn't need to know, as she has enough on her plate and she would only worry. My aim is to be able to prove to her that i can manage on my own, so I can go back home. My shed is much smaller than this house, so I wouldn't hve to walk as far. I realize I have a long way to go, but I am not giving up.
I have taken steps to have all of my offline things tidied up. Not exactly how I wanted it, but I have been advised there would be too many legal battles, and I don't wish to burden anyone with that. What is now done.. is done.
Online.. well I am documenting, well stated a long time back but need to update and get my benefactor more involved. We have been spending some time together working through things, but the last few weeks it has been difficult for me to keep focused. I task set each day, but something always pops up. lol Some new projects to be looked at as well. Longtermers - well that is the plan.. You always have to have a plan !!
Just adding a note: Donations.. If I could run out and yell to the world I would.. THANK YOU !!!!
Even though Trev didn't actually make it personally as planned.. It was still made. he was excited about how things were going at Christmas time and I am sure deep down he is. He spoke of the things it could be used for, yearly subscription to xbox, an internet connection and games, fridges as well with $4000 in two months.. wow that is a lot of money..incredible. (Makes me think of those people who always have heaps of referrals and some of them would possibly be big spenders - the mind boggles... I just hope in my heart that they some of their gains with others of an organization the their communities)
Not going to re read this for mistakes.. took me about 8 sessions to type this.. I need a sleep followed by coffee :)
Saturday 10 January 2009
Me2everyone...... chance of a lifetime.. free.. join now
You must have heard of Google and MySpace, well lookout because here comes Me2everyone. By joining now we are becoming the building blocks on which this platforum will stand. By joining now, we are getting free shares in a company that will explode the internet with advertising and ongoing residual revenue. Secure you spot now, signup, you only need to be over sixteen and of course a real person so the shares can be posted to you. Currently all that is required is your name and a valid email address. Join up and get your friends to join you, how easy is that.. absolutely free.. and you get to share in the site profits.
I will be updating more as this site rolls out. Only the beginning something huge.. what are you waiting for.. an invitation? well you have just received it. LOL
Friday 2 January 2009
PREMIUM ADS CLUB (PAC)
I am sure hoping you are enjoying PAC as much as I am. Finally, the cover is off the greatest opportunity we have seen for a long long time. The calibre of mature members is phenomenal ( I had to look that one up ) The script does take a little getting used to, as it is nothing like the surfs of yesteryear. But the whole concept from the incredibly talented dual admins is nothing like any surf. well not the usual ones :) These ladies are providing members with a program and long term business plan, a legit advertising company, registered off-shore, so what you are seeing at the moment will only get even better. PAC is taking this industry to a new level, possibly never seen before. The determination of Kazzy and ExecutiveLady (MMG nicks) is showing us the way. With member support - the sky is the limit. As you can tell, yes, I am very excited about PAC and it's future, so is every other member for that matter. So if you haven't joined yet, I suggest you do. Support is 2nd to none and there are great members in the forums to help if you have any problems. I hope to see you there!!
I would also like to take this opportunity to thank those that have joined me in PAC - Thank you so much. If you have the time and the inclination, please check my Donations Blog - I am ecstatic with the results and of course there is more to come. Next donation will be mid January. I prefer for Trev to personally make the donation, that way it has 2 bonuses for me. One of course is RMH being able to provide families with those extras other than just a roof over the heads of families, but also it gives Trev a sense of well being, being able to do this and lifts his self esteem, and goodness knows he needs it. He is a lad that through his own hardship and suffering in life, sees others as worse off than himself, which I find a rare quality in a young man. At 18 you would think he would be out for himself but he isn't. He is a giver...... enough said. Except.. Thank You!
Thursday 1 January 2009
SEASON'S GREETINGS
I hope everyone had a great Christmas, enjoying it with family and friends. Mine was memorable. Giving and receiving, but remember the best gift is life itself. What you do with it is what counts.
By now everyone will be in the New Year.. wow 2009.. I can't believe it!! My motto this year is "May you have the time of your life in 2009" A whole new year untouched. Just take each day as it comes and enjoy it, put a smile on a face. There really isn't much to it, try it!! Works for me :) Gives me the drive to keep going... one step at a time leads to one day at a time.
To all my friends, associates and new to-be friends - I appreciate all of you more than you can ever imagine. "Without honesty, there is no future" these words are more powerful than realized by the lady who has them on her site..
By now everyone will be in the New Year.. wow 2009.. I can't believe it!! My motto this year is "May you have the time of your life in 2009" A whole new year untouched. Just take each day as it comes and enjoy it, put a smile on a face. There really isn't much to it, try it!! Works for me :) Gives me the drive to keep going... one step at a time leads to one day at a time.
To all my friends, associates and new to-be friends - I appreciate all of you more than you can ever imagine. "Without honesty, there is no future" these words are more powerful than realized by the lady who has them on her site..
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