10/03/2011 Words aren't enough.........

Memoriam for Dorky - A year has passed

I can't believe that a year has passed since Dorks passed away. A day never passes where I don't think of him or something reminds me of past experiences/memories.  Some days I unthinkingly go to send him a message in gmail chat, but his light is no longer showing green or orange for that matter.
This morning I drove out to his Shed.  In my mind I have been preparing myself for days.  Guess I am not the strongest person in the world, but I haven't been to the Shed since April last year when the boys and I  took Dorks home.  I really don't know what I expected to find or accomplish, but we have had a lot of rain in the last few months, and the road up to the shed is washed out, so I had to walk the last half a kilometer.  I had forgotten how fresh the bush smelt and the growth of all the grasses in the paddocks set the scene.  But mentally I wasn't prepared for the condition of the Shed.  Don't know what I expected really, but it is rundown, overgrown and looks abandoned, as if it has been for years.  (I don't know why I am logging this here, maybe I am destined to, dunno) It was heartbreaking to see.  Maybe it is just me, seeing it for the first time without the rose-colored glasses. I walked down to a log where we used to sit, and say nothing. Sounds weird I know, but it was just a presence thing. No need to talk, just to be there. So many memories, good and some not so good came flooding back.  Just as if I had been blocking them out for so long and the dam wall finally broke, the tears came flooding back, but I don't quite know whom they are for.  Probably me being selfish, so self pity most likely.  I wish I could be stronger, I know I can be, but not now. I blink and I am back a year ago, wishing and hoping that this is all a dream. But reality is, it isn't.  I ask myself how can one person have had such an influence on my life? There is no logical answer, other than he was so understanding, compassionate, well special. At least I got the opportunity to have been one of the lucky people who knew him. For that I am extremely grateful and thankful. I just miss him so much.

"I have lost my soul's companion

A life linked with my own

And day by day I miss him more

As I walk through life alone"

MEMORIAL TO DORKY

Posting this message here in "The Shed" has been one of the hardest tasks I have ever had to do.
Dorky was my best friend, my soul mate and a big part of my family's lives as well. Leaving a huge void in our lives.

Dorky was a true gentleman. Sincere and so thoughtful. He always gave far more than he ever received in life. That was how he was. We met by chance or fate, maybe destiny, in 1982. My husband brought a few blokes home on a Friday afternoon after work for a few beers and a BBQ. Dorks was one of them. It didn't take long and we all looked forward to his, by now regular visits as well. We really loved his company, he was such a top bloke. Relaxed to be around and so interesting to talk to about his earlier life. "Pioneering stuff" I used to say. He told some great stories!! It wasn't long and he was a permanent fixture in our family, and he remained so always. We started our family and he became great mates with our boys as they grew up, sharing the highs and lows of all their years, and ours.

He always liked his peace and quite and living on his own out on his property. He originally lived in a caravan out there, then built a shed and slowly made it into a comfortable dwelling. lol He always called it the shed, which it was, but even though it was basic, it was like a small house.

Whilst writing this I am reflecting over the years of how he was introduced to the computer and internet world. He used to visit me on his way home from town, yeah that's what he said anyway, lol he only went once a month, called in on me a couple of times a week. I didn't mind as I had two ankle biters to look after and they just adored Dorks. I would be placing some bets or surfing, so he would sit not far and watch, so it was a natural progression. His own computer and set him up. These last few years it has been his life. Being able to communicate with others as he had never had the opportunity to do so before, and being able to listen to music again. It made a big difference to his life. I am just so grateful he got the opportunity to enjoy his latter years. Being selfish now, I wished there were many more years he could have enjoyed his friends and interests.

It seems that we are not the only one who loved and admired him for just being himself. A memorial to Dorky thread has been set up in his "home" at MMG. Here is the link if you wish to pay tribute or just read the thread.

Also at this time I would like to thank the Administration and Staff at MMG for honoring Dorky with Lifetime Supporter status.

( Dorky always intended that his legacy continue, and I promised I would, and I will. )